Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
