i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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