His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
