chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
