onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
