He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
