He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
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My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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