he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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