i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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