It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
