mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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