You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
smell my finger.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
