four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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