PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
