today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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