were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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