and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
