If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she told me i tasted like america
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
