then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
