I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
