I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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