On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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