just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
