the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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