I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
