I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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