I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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