Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
foreskin is a definite game changer
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
