I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
