Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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