two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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