Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
