; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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