The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
