It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
