I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
