I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
