i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
