i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
