R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
