Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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