I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
only if we run a train.
done.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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