I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
