Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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