i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
