He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
