I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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