I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
