If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize