Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
tell me about the eggs
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