If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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