its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
