i think my mom watched the whole time
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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