Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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