I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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