i jhust puked up my retainher.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
then he tried to convert me to islam
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
