I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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