I need to stop coming to work sober
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
