problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
