We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
