maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
