I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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