theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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