since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you had me at cake vodka
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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