I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
