You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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