Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
